The journey to living from my heart and my full potential began with a major life crisis - the death of my 11 day old baby boy Joshua, a miscarriage about four months after and the end of my marriage all within six months back in 1999. It was the most painful time in my life. I had never experienced suffering and grief like that before.
My way of coping was to 'get on' with life and to go back to work to gain some normalcy. I also went unconscious for a while filling my time up and doing lots for others as a way of deflection. When I did connect into my pain, I wrote a lot of amazing poems and writings that expressed how I was feeling, but I really didn't share that with anyone else.
Within those six months though, something clicked in me and I knew I was about to turn a corner. I just didn't realise to what extent. I started learning to become a counsellor (which was really a way to deflect my pain by focussing on someone else's) and then in 2002 attended an eight-month-long personal development program that one of my closest friends, David, had encouraged me to attend.
This program used meditation as one of it's key tools and enabled me to understand that as human beings, we are really spiritual beings walking around in a human body. Whilst I had thought about this before, I don't think it had ever sunk in. In one of the processes that I participated in, I was asked to call on a 'guide' to tell me whatever I needed to hear at the time and write what that message was. My son Joshua became my guide and here are some of the things that he told me....
You are going to have a happy happy family filled with butterflies and love. There will be so much love in this family and you will be entwined with your one true love. He will be so strong and handsome and he will love your heart - every bit of your open and wondrous heart. He will cup your heart in his hands and look upon you with awe at the beauty of your heart. Your children will beam with love and sunlight and their smiles will be bigger than Luna Park. You are a woman, strong and soft and feminine and made to love. You are my mother and I love you. I loved you when you held me and I always knew you were there. I am totally loved by you. The music I heard in your womb I still hear. There is a passion and elegance about your womanhood. You were born to be a woman. Just open your heart. Don't be afraid anymore. There are enough chess pieces still to play with. You are ready for a new beginning like the horizon over the sea and the sun breaking through. The colour and warmth is still there. Don't be afraid to feel it.
There is much for you to do at work too. Ignite peoples' spirits and hearts. Do you know that's why you were brought here? Do you know that's why I chose you to be my mother? You filled my heart and body with love. That's all I needed. And now I do the same to you. You have already been told that I will guide you. Use that. I will never go away.
I am now married to a very gorgeous man and am expecting a baby boy due to arrive in March 2006. I run a personal development business called Dare to be Remarkable with my close friend David which leads people to live a heart connected life of full potential. I live in a beautiful home 1km from the beach and have wonderful and true connections with my family and friends. Difficult to understand from a rational perspective, but the birth and death of my first son Joshua led me to my heart and to the life that I now live. The ability to realise that we are more than physical beings has enabled me to have peace around my short physical relationship with my son and has enabled me to see and own the gifts that Joshua's life and death bestowed upon me.
Wendy asked me to be involved in one of her programs for grieving parents so that I could share and facilitate others to have peace around the death of their children. It would be an honour to serve you, to be there with you in your pain and to work with you to connect and understand at a much deeper level than what the physical and rational perspectives can give us. Please note that this program would also be suitable for parents who gave their children up for adoption, as the grieving and separation process can be as real as the physical death of a child.
Image courtesy of Saflower Essences.
